Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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