U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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