My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
