If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
