Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
