so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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