just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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