drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
