Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
