I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
