Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
