just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
no, he came in my armpit
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
