Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
