Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize