I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
