Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
