we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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