then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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