Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
