i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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