Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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