drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
