he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
