last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
