im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
