Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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