can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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