ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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