Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dignity is for republicans.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
