I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
