theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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