btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
