accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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