"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
