Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
