I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
