Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
