do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
