the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize