We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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