Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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