whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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