I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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