ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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