There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
