The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
