I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
