i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
