you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
