I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
