What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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