used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
