He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The best revenge is premature balding
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
