the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
