And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
