He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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