Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
