I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
