How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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