His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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