Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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