this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
