and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
