Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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