eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
